Star Wars: Episode I

January 18, 2010 at 7:15 pm (St. Jason) (, , , , , )

I consider myself a pretty big fan of Star Wars and my favorite out of all six movies if Episode I. Yeah I said it, Episode I, the one with Jar Jar Binks, the one with little baby Darth Vader, and the one most fans consider the beginning in a series of backyard abortions. When I tell people this I usually get dumbfounded looks as if it simply isn’t possible that this movie could be someone’s favorite. They say, “Jason you are a well endowed nerd with other respectable tastes, how can you like Episode I so much?” Well allow me to explain.

First of all to understand we must take a trip back in time to the year 1999, when Britney was sane and stealing out hearts, there were two world trade center towers, and probably the most anticipated movie ever came out. The hype for Episode I lasted for years, from the very first announcement. Fact, when the first teaser trailer came out when many people paid full price to see whatever movie it was on and left after the trailer. That shit happened and every one, old fans and new were stoked. For me this was the first time I had gotten interested in Star Wars on a whole. Before this the only Star Wars movie I had seen was Return of the Jedi the Special Edition when it had been in theaters, and that’s it. So while Episode I was getting hyped I got hyped as well and finally went back and saw the original three and before you know it I was a Star Wars fan. So when Episode I finally came out I was blown away and it has been my favorite ever since.

Why should we like Episode I

First of all we need to be honest with ourselves and admit when it came out we all thought this movie was the shit. Yeah Jar Jar was annoying as fuck but in 1999 this movie was the best looking movie available. Not only that but we were introduced to some really cool shit that really expanded the Star Wars Universe

1) Queen Amidala


That’s right let’s cut the shit and get straight to the top reason. Now you hipster fucks will claim you knew of Natalie Portman before Star Wars from her role in Leon: The Professional but they are full of shit. The reason we all watched The Professional was we liked her so much after Star Wars we wanted to see any other movie she was in. Now I’m not saying she wouldn’t be a movie star had it not been for Star Wars but I can say she wouldn’t be the actress Goddess she is without it. So next time you are watching The Darjeeling Limited, and by “watching it” I mean only watching the intro on a loop because Natalie is naked in it, you remember why we lust after her and how she became the nerd goddess she is.

2) Double Sided Light Saber

Do you remember that shit! I specifically remember the first trailer they showed with Darth Maul’s double edge light saber and I remember immediately sporting a boner. It is things like a double sided light saber and the lancer from gears of war where the idea is so simple and so unbelievably amazing that I somehow would have never thought of this on my own. The double ended light saber is a stable in the Star Wars Universe now in games like The Force Unleashed and the Clone Wars Series but remember we got it in Episode I first.

3) Pod Racing

When we first got a surround sound system for our house do you want to know how we tested it out? Popped in Star Wars Episode I and skipped straight to the Pod Racing scene and boners were had by all.  It’s fast and intense and when I was very first in saw this in the theater I remember knowing immediately this was going to be one of my favorite parts of any Star Wars movie.

4) Samuel L. Jackson


Samuel Mother Fucking L. Jackson.

5) Real Light Saber Battles

So looking back at the original three Star Wars movies the amount of actual light saber fighting action is actually pretty low. In the first movie there is probably less than 3 minutes of light saber action the entire film. This partially due to the technology at the time, in A New Hope they try to make all scenes with the light sabers turning on off camera so they can give a chance to switch out the props for the actors. So what did George Lucas do when the technology had caught up and he could have a fluid on off light saber scene? He put that shit in as much as possible and if was fucking awesome. Every scene they bust that shit out and when they hit someone with it they don’t just fall down, the mother fuckers get cut in half! When Qui Gon Jin and Obi Wan double team Darth Maul that is the first real balls to the wall light saber battle in the series.

Why is this movie hated?

I think the problem most people really have with this movie is a classic case of people trying to seem like captain badass. Scenario, I’m out chilling wearing a Metallica shirt and someone comes up and says, “Hey by the bulge in your pants it looks like you are packing at least 12 inches and I dig your shirt what is your favorite Metallica Album?” The correct answer would be Kill ‘Em All or you could get away with Master of Puppets, however if I were to say Death Magnetic I would be shamed and considered not a real fan. This shit happens all the time. If you don’t like some ones original work and weren’t a fan from the start then you are considered an outcast and will be shunned. This is bullshit and when someone tells you someone’s first album or movie is their favorite you should immediately be aware that they have not listened to any of that artist new material and they are in fact full of shit.

The real problem I have with people’s hate of the prequels is they were considered great by fans of all types when they came out. It wasn’t till a few years after the third one that the fuck the prequels bandwagon began. Did they have flaws? Yeah they did Hayden Christensen is a whiny bitch and Jar Jar is annoying but they aren’t deal breaking flaws by any means.

What we Should Hate

A good example of what should you hate is Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. This movie sucked and truly sucked right away. I saw this shit opening weekend and couldn’t have been more excited and all most immediately knew I was being served a shit sandwich. There was no hesitation, no 4 year honeymoon where I said I really enjoyed it, I lasted until Indiana survived a nuclear bomb in a fridge before my opinion had turned. And this is the general opinion of most people, we all saw the movie and knew it was crap.

Now I’m not saying that everyone should like Episode I as much as I do. A lot of you grew up on the originals and it will all ways hold a special place for you and nothing is going to change that. My generation didn’t experience the original three in theaters and I know if I had I would have that nostalgia that so many who did see them have. But regardless of which is your favorite movie you should be able to realize that that Episode I and the other two prequels had a significant impact on the Star Wars universe and add to it for the better.

Advertisements

1 Comment

  1. JustALurker said,

    Some of us actually did see “The Professional” long before the Star Wars prequels. Shoot, we may have actually recognized Natalie Portman in “Heat” and “Mars Attacks”. Granted, I did try watching “Anywhere But Here” and “Where the Heart Is” after SW, but there were those of us who had a true appreciation for her before Phantom Menace.

    So there. 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: